You're About to get THE BIRD.

Much like my issues with smells...I have issues with noise.

I have super cat-like hearing, which forces me to clutch my ears like a crazy person every time a firetruck/streetcar/police car squeals by, and to shush conversations sporadically when I think I've heard...something.

This leaves me, in some way, permanently on edge. Repetitive noises are especially maddening. Resulting in much rage.

Mmmm, passive aggressive rage.

No. More. Squeaking.

 

My office is conveniently nestled between an audio mixing suite that specializes in children's cartoons, and the office of a composer for television & commercials. Neither of these fine gentlemen have soundproofing. Neither of these fine fellows like to close their doors. Neither of these wonderful, upstanding, exquisite examples of humankind seem to have a speaker that goes below MIND SHATTERINGLY LOUD.

On any given day I can enjoy the 1sec repeating sound byte of a fake cat meow, or the 10sec clip of looped musical score (once he did a circus show so it was a week of repeating slide whistle! Boy-o-boy!) at wall-shaking volume.



...But I know something they don't knowwww...!

While I was hostel-ing my way across Europe and sharing small spaces with annoying, inconsiderate, LOUD LOUD LOUD people, I encountered an interesting phenomenon... When the noise input reaches the point of insanity, my brain flips a switch. Suddenly the overwhelming noise creates a nodal point of silence.

I like to think of it like my primary auditory cortex is having a tiny little stroke...I also like to picture it as Charlie Day:

 My Primary Auditory Cortex.

So how can I turn this into a giant weapon of auditory prowess?



Witness, THE BIRD.


It's so loud, and grimy sounding that it shatters my brain...and so, I shamelessly turn my speakers, and press them up against the wall...then set the dial to eleven.


Gentlemen? Check and mate.





...

As soon as they have built up a tolerance I will be switching to this: