My Mother vs Neutrogena

I'm not made of stone.


Once or twice a year the stars align, and my hormones have decided that it's a free-for-all on my face at the same time a commercial for "new & fantastic facial cleansing tool" comes on TV. I can't resist. I am full of shame, but at varying times there have been abtronics, exercise balls, and proactiv products in my possession...

In one of these moments of insanity desperation weakness I bought a face scrubber made by Neutrogena, called "The Wave". It's a hand-sized gizmo that vibrates in combination with an abrasive pad and exfoliates your face as you wash it...to be fair, it actually works pretty damn well.

Thingamabob and abrasive pads.

But where am I going with this? I swear it's not an infomercial, I actually have a funny story...



At some point this fall I forgot my face scrubber at the cottage, and left it in the shower there. I thought nothing of it. Due to gettin' married (le gasp) in September I didn't get a chance to grab it before my folks closed the cottage for the winter.

Months pass.

We invite my folks over for dinner just after Christmas this year, and my mother (as per usual) announces on the phone that she is bringing over a bag of my stuff. I expect the usual mix of old clothes, school notebooks, and crap that she is trying to throw away "but thought you might like"...no mum, I do not want used plastic plant pots, or magazines, or VHS tapes... I haven't had a VCR since 2001. But I digress...

When they arrive, she takes me aside and hands me a few bags of crap stuff I might like, then lowers her voice and pulls me closer...

Mum: "Claire...I found...something of yours at the cottage..."
Me: "Ok, cool!"

Me, happy to receive crap stuff

Mum: "Claire...*lowers voice even more*...can you tell me what this IS? (presents face cleaner)

Object in question.

Smirking Mother.

Me: "It's my facial exfoliator."
Mum: *dirty smirk* "Uh huh."
Me: "What? Oh god...oh god no."

Me.

My dirty, judging mother.

Despite my protestations that it was, in fact, the Neutrogena Wave, meant to eliminate blackheads and contribute to an overall glow of beauty and health, my mother is convinced that I use a sex toy that incorporates an abrasive, replaceable pad.


Now I try and hide my facial exfoliator when guests come over, lest they think I am into exfoliating...other areas. Just what I need...another baseless neurosis.


Thanks mom.