I May Not Be a Failure! :D

This weekend I found myself eating a lot of mac & cheese and playing Skyrim. Oh god... But in between all that exciting adventuring and cheese, I found myself talked into showing a friend of mine a bunch of films I'd made in high school with friends.

I haven't watched these in years. Mainly because of shame. The type of shame that only a teenage brain can perfect and hone into a weapon that defies logic, time & space. Somehow, I knew that when people watched our Spiderman film (yes, it happened), they would know that I had broken-up mid-film with the guy playing Harry Osborne. This clairvoyance would turn me a million shades of red, and cause me to run away from the TV because I "Needed a glass of water really bad...".

I also (somehow, magically) knew that the audience could see the film playing in my head and would compare it to the actual film with at least as much harsh criticism as I did.

Eight years passes, and I get talked into playing my high school films: Ultimate Spiderman, The Magical Adventures of Lars Olafson, and The Night Shift.

I tense up, sweating... I cringe as the first film begins.

...

But then something happens, something wonderful... Time.


Things are not like I remember them at all. I actually laugh and enjoy myself. Hell, I'm impressed with 16 year old me (and Josh, and Matt, and all our long-suffering friends who acted for us)...not too shabby guys. Hell, there's more hard work in some of these films than I've seen from professionals (I name no names, but you know who you are lung-girl).

So where the hell did that all go? All that energy and drive? It's still there I think...but man, if you want to have someone ring out almost every last drop of motivation and pride in you... There's nothing like 6,000 word essays in film theory to kill your love of film making...


And there's nothing like your 16 year old friend dancing in a Spidey suit to re-inspire you to make films!