Thursday 1 March 2012

So I had this Dream...

This is usually a quick trip to a boring story about being naked in an exam.

This is not one of those dreams. Promise.

When I sleep, my mind goes on completely insane adventures. Things that make no sense, and should NEVER make sense happen. Well, I'll let you be the judge.

It all started when I read this, and I discovered that one of my heroes, Curly, had an incredibly depressing and short life. I guess it was bouncing around in my subconscious, because that night this was my dream:

I decided to travel back in time to warn Curly about his impending strokes, and to lead him back to a path that did not include alcoholism and trans-fats. I met up with the Stooges in a bar (natch), and then tried talking to Curly. WELL, he was a total dick. I mean awful. Making comments about me being "a broad", telling me to fuck off, laughing at me, etc. Needless to say I was really hurt, because I fucking love Curly. I left the bar to discover that I was well and truly stuck in the 1930s, with no money, and no life skills (this is an ongoing, meta!) so I wandered around a dark and rainy New York City for a while. That was cool.

Adorable...? Not in my dream!
Flash forward many years... I have not aged (sweet), and I know that somehow Curly and I made up and eventually got married and had a kid. BUT, soon after that I was put back in my time machine and brought to this current future, where it looks like the 40s, but HAS to be at least in the 60s...

This is where I meet the man of my dreams... Ed Begley Jr.

No caption needed.
This is the "man of my dreams"...of my dreams. Hey, sure, Ed's a funny fella but...uh...NO. However, dreams being what they are, we end up courting each other...and things seems good. Sure, I'm stuck in the past, but I'm dating a swell guy.

When suddenly it dawns on me...Ed Begley Jr. is mine and Curly's love child. Oh god.

I take him to the same bar where I met his father on a dark and rainy night in 1930s NYC, and I explain that we can't be together because I'm his mom.

He takes the news well in fact, that he insists we should keep dating. I refuse, 'cause, well, NO ME GUSTA INCEST. Things seem like they're about to fall apart, when suddenly good ol' Ed points out that time travel negates the dangers/horrible moral issues of dating your own son. "Oh yea!" I say, "I forgot!"

And we lived happily ever after.


When I woke up, I had to stop and reflect on how fucking insane the dream I just had was. I mean, that is a very messed up thought process creating all those ideas. I was a little worried, but then I remembered that the dream where I was Lance Henriksen and glowed in the dark was much weirder, and I was, once again, content*.

*this is not a joke. If you're good, one day I might tell you.

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