Friday, 13 July 2012

Doug Holyday, Deputy Moron

If having our city council headed by the circus sideshow that is Rob Ford wasn't bad enough, our Deputy Mayor, Doug Holyday, is working hard to make Toronto look like the most backwards city in Canada.

The most recent blitherings to dribble out of Holyday came yesterday, during a debate about whether condo developers should be required to build 10% of units as 3bdrm "family" units. Holyday's brilliant contribution:

"Where will these children play — on King St.? It makes for a healthier city to have children out on a street like King St. where it’s bumper-to-bumper traffic and people galore at all times of night and day? I just think of raising my own family there. That’s not the place I’d choose.”

Somebody down at City Hall needs to alert Mr. Holyday that is no longer 1965, and the suburbs experiment is OVER.

Gee, Honey, where's my martini and beef roast? ...And why are you out of the kitchen?

NEWSFLASH!: Gas is expensive, it pollutes, it fuels some pretty nasty dictatorships, and (here's the key point) CITIES THAT FUNCTION WELL ARE WALKABLE.  You can't walk ANYWHERE in the suburbs. No sidewalks, no local stores, hell, it may take you 15 minutes to drive to the nearest store...which will undoubtedly be a big box chain store from the US.

I grew up in mid-town Toronto (Davisville Station, whoop whoop!) and spent a lot of time exploring downtown with my folks. From live music, to Chinatown, to Harbourfront Centre, the Pride Parade, Queen St West, and the CNE, we did it all. You know what I learned from it Mr. Holyday? I learned to  love food from every culture, I learned about LGBT rights, I supported local music & businesses, and I learned how fucking awesome this city is.

How dare you suggest that growing up in the very heart of the city you claim to represent is in some way damaging. You don't like downtown Toronto? You think it is dangerous, or corrupting? RETIRE. There are so many fantastic, intelligent, and COMPETENT people who would to take your place on council.

Cities where people live downtown are cities that THRIVE. You want Detroit? Go ahead, push everyone out of the core and into the suburbs. Who doesn't love a nice ol' pipe full of crack?

I ball so hard mothafuckas wanna fine me...!

The idiocy of suggesting that living in a city centre is in some way damaging is MIND-BOGGLING. How is this guy the next-in-command for our city?!!! Oh yea. Mayor McCheese...

Heterosexual life-mates. Barf.
Well Mr. Holyday, i'm sure your heart bleeds for the tragedy of those poor souls who are forced to grow up in these dens of inequity:

London - their tea cups are full of tears.

Berlin - the sausages are made of babies...sad babies.

Prague - e'erybody plays in traffic.

Paris - they drink butter to keep away the ennui.

Rome - empire collapsed for a reason, amiright Holyday?

Sydney - no happy endings in the opera!


How can a head be so far up an ass?!

Doug, Dougie-boy, buddy...pal. Stop talking before you're as big a laughingstock as the mayor. Or, better yet, retire and let people who understand how modern cities work take your seat.

1 comment:

  1. I had no idea you had a blog, and for the record I love your writing. Hilarious!
    Keep up the funny, oh and make me a beef roast :)