Are You Happy Now, Nature?!!

For those of you who do not live in Toronto, it has been hot here. Like, really hot.

So hot that 2 showers a day is not enough. Hot enough that it's been like walking in a giant, warm, humid mouth. So hot that if you fell on the sidewalk, you'd be fried before anyone could help you up. So hot that - !

...ahem...

You will believe me when I say it's hot.




SO, yesterday I biked for 20min to meet my husband for dinner...this was a bad idea. I arrived, late (due to biking as slowly as possible), dripping...nay, soaked in sweat. I might as well have just taken a bath. It was disgusting.




We enter a Korean restaurant to be greeted by a menu that is comprised of many types of stew and soup...I was...displeased. My face may or may not have contracted into a "why the fuck did you suggest this place? Have you not noticed that the outside is broiling all those who dare venture out?!"

We found the one cold soup on the menu and both ordered it. ...There may have been some glaring before the soup arrived and was found to be delicious.


So we leave the restaurant and head to the Randolph Theatre for the opening night of my friend's Fringe Fest play. It is now 8pm. It is hot. 




It is SO hot that the act of opening the door to leave has brought sweat to every inch of my sweaty, sweaty self. It is SO hot that the sun feels like it is 1000lbs of humid honey.  It is SO hot that...well, you get the point.

As we sweat our way down the street we pass an ice cream truck... *happy dance*, I run over and buy a rocket pop, because...ROCKET POPSICLE!

so beautiful...so cold...so rocket popsicle.

It is the greatest moment of my life.



I am in popsicle heaven. I'm still sweating, but my mouth is numb from cold, so my brain is confused. And this pleases me.


It's at this point that the sun looks down and thinks to itself "Ohhhh shit, looks like someone is escaping my fiery wrath! Can't have that!" And that SOB shines down with a golden fart of heat and starts melting my goddamn rocket popsicle.

My mother didn't love me, so you can't have your rocket pop!

So there I am, desperately trying to lick every drop of popsicle before it falls into the lawn of the theatre (or on my legs, hands, and/or clothes), and suddenly... Well, it's come to this, has it?!

I'm deep throating a Popsicle. Are you happy now, nature?!!!




EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE.




...Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to re-unstick my thighs and sit in front of the AC for a bit.