Friday 21 September 2012

Sugar Beach aka DEATH BEACH (or How I Learned to Expect the Worst in Life)

It's a beautiful day out in downtown Toronto. I (foolishly) took the opportunity to bike over to Sugar Beach on my lunch break. Only about 15min on a bike...

However, on the way there a complete moron decides he will FLING OPEN HIS DOOR and get out INTO TRAFFIC from his cab, despite being pulled over at the curb. I miss the door by a split second...the cyclist 5 feet behind me does not.

I pass the door and almost simultaneously hear a SMASH BANG CRASH! and turn to see a cyclist lying against a delivery truck, a parked taxi with its door flung open, and a rather bent looking bike lying under the truck...

artist's interpretation...
I blurt out "Holy fucking shit!"...the suits on Bay St. are not amused. They return to circle-jerking over their purple shirts and pink power ties.

I wait until the cyclist is up, moving, yelling, and exchanging insurance info. All seems to be ok.

So...where was I heading again? Oh, yes, Sugar Beach!

Seems great right? So serene...

So chill...

And...what is that delightful caramel aroma in the air...?

Why, Redpath sugar is RIGHT HERE. This is great!

So I begin chilling out to the max, relaxin' all cool and shootin' some b-ball outside of the first part. But now it's time to return to work. I decide to avoid the dangers of taxis on Bay St, and head back on a new route.

Mmmm, that caramel smell is fantastic...Seems great right?





I feel something smack into my chest as I begin to bike back past the sugar refinery...I ignore it. Meanwhile, a bee is inside my shirt...FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.

Naturally, it stings me...IN. THE. BOOB.

I reach into my shirt while biking trying desperately to remove the bee that is attacking my right tit. It's long gone...but I managed to rip out the poison gland that is pumping neurotoxin into my lady bits...

The pain sets in...I am...displeased.

I return to the office to find a wonderful red welt, that aches and stings with every pump of my heart...Fuck you bee. Fuck you.

Sugar Beach hates me...and I think the feeling may be mutual...

Actual photo of me, post-bee sting.

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