Thursday 15 November 2012

Star Trek TNG vs The Beastie Boys

I haven't been writing much. I'm sorry. But I hope I can make it up to you...


...which is to say, I had a dream. Last night:

It began innocently enough, I bought a sugar figure in the shape of Tasha Yar, security chief:

So there I was, holding my sugar Tasha Yar. When suddenly...I had a jar of blackcurrant jam...

NOW, for all you non-TNG folks out there (ps, tng = The Next Generation, aka the best Star Trek series ever).


You need evidence?

That's your evidence. Now, STFU.

SO, Tasha Yar was awesome and badass, but got killed off by the lamest villain the franchise has ever seen...EVER. And that says a lot:

Liberace look alike will crush you! ...Kirk is...aroused.

So yea, basically Deanna Troi (terrible) is trapped on a planet in a shuttle by an equally terrible monster...THE SKIN OF EVIL.


Terrifying...? No. Really not. But Tasha ends up being killed by this pile of marmite. Everyone is sad.

Now, back to blackcurrant jam...! So I'm holding this sugar Tasha Yar, and a jar of blackcurrant jam...

I dunk. Then laugh uncontrollably for hours of dream time.

But the dream didn't end there...Suddenly I found myself composing a rap about the whole jam + Tasha Yar situation to the tune of the Beastie Boy's "Paul Revere":

And here, for the rap my dreaming brain composed:

Noooooowww, here's a little story I got to tell - about a starfleet officer ya know so well! It started way back, in history, on stardate 41254 (.3!).  
I had a little figure, named Tasha Yar. Just me and my Tasha, chilling out right hurr. Running down the street, to find something to eat, when I bump into a jam seller, isn't that neat? 
One lonely jam jar I see. Blackcurrant jam, all for me...
(skip a bit...hey, it was a dream) 
She told a little story, it sounded well rehearsed. 3 days on this planet and she's dyin' of thirst. I grabbed her by the feet, and dunked her in my jar. She writhed around, she made some sounds, and then I laughed "har har".

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