Toronto, Deal Wit It.

We get a lot of flack, us Torontonians.

They call us self-absorbed, cold, arrogant, and ignorant. They say we are pompous, shallow, and are comprised of exclusively the 1%...


...shit son, I lived in a basement for 3 years and ate canned tuna to survive... But at least it wasn't in Scarborough, amiright?


HA.


I kid, well, mostly.










I was born and raised in Toronto, and I love this city.

But, that DOES NOT mean that I don't love other cities in Canada...! I've travelled all over the east and west coasts, throughout Ontario, and as soon as I get some money I'll be heading to the prairies and the territories.

There is this attitude that Torontonians hate the rest of Canada...THAT IS NOT TRUE. They also say we think we are better than the rest of Canada...well, this is where feelings get hurt...

I think the big issue is that when we compare cities on a "better or worse" scale, we're often using VERY different criteria... And, frankly, the benefits of small town living vs. large city life are so disparate, you can't legitimately compare them side-by-side...!



So, wtf is so good about life in the big city? Well:

• I live in downtown Toronto's west end (not Junction west, but west, alright?!), and any night of the week I can walk out my door and get a meal from almost any nationality. 
• I can walk, or bike, or transit to work.
• We get big events like Nuit Blanche!
• I don't have far to go if I need an international airport.
• Dim Sum. For reals, yo.
• Major sports teams! Okay, so the Leafs may suck...but..hey, who doesn't love THE underdog...sigh.

• I can walk to my local hockey rink in the winter and play shinny. 
• I can spend a pedestrian Sunday in Kensington Market buying organic veggies and listening to live music. 
• I can walk 10min up the street and hang out at Comedy Bar (fun times y'all).
• There is always big and small theatre happening.
• The Toronto Film Fest is in my backyard (so to speak)

But most importantly, for me, on a daily basis I get to interact with people from all over the world, with different ideas and viewpoints from my own. It's a constant thrumm thrumm thrumm  of activity, food, and stimuli...and I fucking love it.


...


But I also have some big love for small town life... My family cottage is located just outside of Goderich, Ontario. A town of just over 7,500 people, mostly Dutch background, on the shores of Lake Huron.


So wtf is so good about small town life? Well:

• It's QUIET. you can grab a book and sit and hear nothing but your thoughts...and that is really cool.
• The woods. I've spent hundreds of hours just hiking and exploring the woods. Learning how to find deer trails, edible plants, pioneer junk, and just enjoying being in contact with the natural world.
• You can swim in the lake without fear of...well...you know. 

• There are farmers markets with REAL farmers, selling the best fruit and veggies you've ever had.
• You can go to mom & pop shops, which have all but died out in Toronto.
• Biking on the road doesn't mean dodging car doors, pedestrians, AND Rob Ford's gaping maw.
• There is a sense of community because it's small enough that citizens actually DO have a community...

So what the hell? Why can't we all just say that there are ups and downs to both big and small cities? Well, I think (sorry if I step on toes here...) generally more people like what a big city has to offer. And with Toronto being the biggest city in the country, there will be more here that more people want.

In the end, it's an individual choice, and neither one is the "right" one universally.

And hey, lighten up folks.

When Someone Says they're moving to Mississauga:

Borrowed from HERE

 Oooo, meta.

Things that = NO.

Here is a collection of photos from my dear old Toronto, that force one to frown, as below, and say: NO.

The soap pump in my office's bathroom, complete with mystery layer of orange. NO.

The most ridiculous hipster-bike I have seen in Toronto, complete with fixi gear, and 2 sets of handlebars: drop bar, and grip-free aluminium pipe. NO.

Chinatown garbage can, doing what chinatown garbage cans do best. NO.

Riding a bike at College and Bathurst, WHILE HOLDING AN UMBRELLA IN YOUR FIELD OF VISION. NO.

H&M selling a glorified pot scrubber as a bracelet. H&M, $3.95 for dish washing supplies? I am disappoint. NO.

Pedestrians, bike baskets are not garbage cans. If I catch you doing this, I will make you eat your goddamn Timmy's cup. Waddle 5 feet onwards to the official City of Toronto waste receptacle, and throw your trash out properly! NO.

If you have more images of NO from Toronto (or elsewhere), please shoot them my way, and I'll put 'em up!

High Five Team Awesome!

As you may know, my posts have been a little spotty over the past few weeks because I've been preparing to pitch my TV series at the Innoversity Summit.

For Tuesday and Wednesday this week I took part in the summit, attending the pitch competition to watch other categories, listening to panel discussions, workshops, and of course, many many networking opportunities.


Well...I got some news y'all...

Go on...

After competing with some stiff competition in the Scripted Television category...I won.

Yea. I was pretty damn surprised. I wobbled up to the stage mouthing "what the fuck"...which probably wasn't very classy, then babbled something on stage in thanks...which was very classy... and sat down, shaking and wondering how the hell I managed to pull this off.

The answer is pretty simple. Hard work, delusion, and the constant encouragement of my family and friends. So, thank you all for things you've done, or not even realized that you've done. I appreciate it all, and it means the world to me.

Dawwwwwwwwww

What does this mean for the future? Who knows! I'll be doing some development with the CFC, and we'll see where things go from there. I'm thrilled that people out there feel like there's some goodness going on in my noggin, and maybe I'll get the opportunity to share (more of) it with you...BE AFRAID! MWAAHAHAHAHA...*ahem*.

In other news, there was a lot of talk about YouTube channels, webseries, and the viability of those as both a compliment, and an alternative to broadcast... These are things I'd like to explore. Very very muchly.


The interwebs Internet...It's the wild west of media right now, and we don't entirely know how to do it effectively, but I think we're getting close. My husband is not quite as sure, and pointed out:

Damn you South Park...how you be so good?


But we're definitely getting to the point that we CAN make money on the internet...with certain YouTube channels holding tens of MILLIONS of views, and millions of subscribers, the ad revenue is at a point where independent creators can viably make content...not too great for broadcasters, but not bad news for creators who don't want to bow down to corporate interests...


If anyone wants to talk shop re: YouTube channels, webseries, and wtf we're doing with our lives...I am on like Donkey Kong.




P.S.
Let's reflect on the origins of the South Park guys...there's hope for us all:

Naw, I kid. This shit is hilarious, and I gots tha dvd to prove it.

Mr. Data, Do Not Engage.

I'm going make things a little serious today, folks (sorry, also, deal wit it):


I can't stop myself.


I get on Reddit, I see someone being wrong on the internet, and there's a little voice in my head that nags and nags at me until I step in:

"Excuse me sir, license and registration... Mmhm..,Did you notice the speed at which you were being an uninformed dickbag back there? It was pretty fast. I'm going to have to write you a ticket explaining, in detail, what you did incorrectly."

...

"U mad bro?"


You're goddamn right I'm mad! ...Bro.

Recently I stumbled onto a thread on Reddit called Mensrights...can you see where this is going? (Yea, it's going there)

The majority of the users in this thread are horrible misogynists trying to cover up their true feelings with half baked arguments and rants about how society is actually repressing men, and that women are too busy earning up to 150% of what men earn (srsly, wtf?!) and should stop being so uppity. Eventually the poster went back and agreed that he "couldn't find" the statistic about a 150% wage, but maintained that women still earned about 105% of what men earn. Dafuq?

I must go, my people need me...SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET (again)!


While I agree that there are a number of areas (mostly in family law re: custody) where men are routinely screwed over, female superiority is NOT the norm in the world. Hell, it isn't even the norm in western society where we're allowed to vote, drive, dress ourselves, marry for love, and not have acid thrown in our faces for rejecting the advances of men...god, we are really oppressing men aren't we?

As my husband points out, JUST DON'T LOOK. There is no way I'm going to change the minds of these internet trolls (and I mean trolls in every sense of the word), but I think ignoring these sentiments is the wrong choice.

"Shit Reddit Says" compiles and highlights some of the more outrageous moments in mensrights:

• Guy cleared of rape admits rape other posters recommend he loath the girl and encourage violence to punish her for reporting rape.
• A collection of nasty quotes with links
• A journalist writes an article about how the Superbowl interferes with her wedding anniversary, get ready to accuse her of sponging off her husband and being a c**t.
• Using the Good Guy Greg meme to joke about rape. Classy, guys.
• Another post about how rape isn't really rape.

And as bad as the mensrights posters can be...there is THIS FORUM. Possibly one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen...actually actively encouraging the beating of women.

It's indicative of a growing point of view, and that IS worrisome. The average Reddit user's age is about 20, and for such young guys to hold such disgustingly sexist views...well, that's unnerving. And it's not just online in some nebulous interwebs, it's right here at home... When in 2011 in Toronto we have police officers suggesting that the clothing a woman wears is inviting rape...we have a problem.

Maybe I grew up with unusually great guys, but I have never once felt pressured, attacked, or disrespected by my male friends (way to be nice humans guys!), but obviously there is an attitude that has found a faceless outlet for blatant sexism and misogyny.


My only consolation is that they seem to feel that 4chan is their "White Knight"...

Well, I saw a 4chan post where a guy stole a skull from the Parisian catacombs and skull-fucked it...literally. If that is their definition of having "respect for men's rights and actually stand up for issues" [sic], at least know they are stupid...hopefully too stupid to ever pose a threat to normal, intelligent people who believe in equality.

Internets, I am disappoint.

Friday (Film) Series pt 2!

Right off the top, here is why I've been somewhat absent in posting:

WHY AM I BLINKING SO MUCH?!! I don't know. Here is the alternate version I did but decided was mildly unprofessional:

Comedy gold amiright? Word.

If you want to come and cheer me on, I'll be pitching on May 9th around 9:15am (exact time tbd), and I promise that, at the very least, I will not be drunk and I will have pants on.


But, I promised old films that I did in the past, so here ya go! It's a short documentary on my uncle Michael Harris:

Why Trump Can Suck It.

Yesterday I attended a film & tv industry shindig at the newly opened Trump tower in Toronto. This was an event to network with people involved with and/or attending the upcoming Banff Festival in June, I got my invite, RSVP'd, and off I went.

Ok, let's start with the ridiculous over-swank of the building... There were no less than 3 finely tailored gentlemen working as concierges, and no less than 5 finely tailored persons (complete with white gloves) directing people through the lobby...which MIGHT have been 30 by 30 feet. Not exactly the tantamount to crossing the Sahara...but you wouldn't know to look.



...Then I wander in.



I'd classify my "style" as awesome. Or at least faux-hipster chic...or at least artsy. Ok, NOT hobo.

I feel pretty cool, I'm going to a party at the Trump tower, I got muh cool shoes on (only $14.95!):

My Mom's blue jacket circa 1970-something:

And my little green cowl that I done did knit:

I am rocking out hardcore, and yet...one of the many monkey butlers at the Trump tower immediately descended on me as soon as I tripped through the revolving door and very curtly asked me "Excuse me, can I help you...?"

In my super-cool-professional voice I respond:

Double chin is not part of a fanciful reconstruction. That shit comes for free.


Amid raised eyebrows I was directed to the elevators and the 10th floor. I received equal treatment at both of the open bars at the event... Listen guy, you pour drinks, and you pour them without smarm or you no get tip. Capiche? Oh no, you did NOT just raise your eyebrows at my fantastic striped shirt that was only $12.95... *sassy head bobble*

I am classy as poop, yo.

I don't what kind of a ship you run Trump, but I don't like it. Take your terrible hair and get out of my city.


Also, who changes an open bar event into a $13.50/wine event half way through? *tsk tsk tsk*

Girls, What Gives?

So there's this show. It's called Girls, and like, it's kind of a big deal.

...Which is to say it's been making waves. Both good and bad.

I've been writing a series that is about the same point in life, but approached from a totally different angle, so I've been rubbing my hands together and watching this show's successes and failures as a near-case study of my own show's potential reception.

It's been a grab bag of feedback, and I can't help but catch the whiff of pissy jealousy from the internet peoples who have been raging on about the show...

I'm going to ignore the positive feedback (which it got tons of), because hey, no one cares about being positive! The first negative thing I saw was a photoshop-ing of the poster:

"Huh..." I said to myself. Then followed with "Who the fuck is Laurie Simmons?", and finally, "Do I know a single Bad Company song?! Where they from the 80s?"


Dafuq people?! First off, since when has nepotism NOT been part of the industry? Or ANY industry for that matter? Almost every job I ever got, whether it was bartending at the El Mocambo, or selling soap dispensers at Umbra was because I knew someone who worked there and could put in a good word for me... If I'd had any brains I wold have gone into computer hardware design so I could take advantage of all the nepotism my dad could generate for me...

Secondly, aside from being the daughter of a newscaster on NBC, none of these actresses have had an "in" so great as to be called nepotism. Seriously, who the fuck is Laurie Simmons?! (for those interested, wikipedia shows us the light) Also, if being the "daughter of the drummer from Bad Company" gets you the lead on a tv show, I wonder when kids of the Moody Blues are hitting the silver screen?

At this point I have to consider the possibility the show is shitty. Why else would the interwebs be raging with the fire of a thousand overheated pizza pockets? So I pulled out my trusty HBO on demand and watched the first episode... IT WAS GOOD. Not amazing, not "oh my god Imma poop myself"- amazing. (What is though? Ew.) But for a pilot that was written by, directed, and starring a 24 yr old woman...?

Lady got mad skillz, yo.

Dare I say it...is it just possible that some people out there in the world of interwebs are a wee bit jealous?

And another complaint I've seen flying around is that the show's 4 lead girls are all caucasian. Well, not to be an asshole, but here's a list of shows that no-one seemed to give a crap about being whitewashed:

1. Sex and the City
2. Friends
3. Entourage
4. Seinfeld
5. Cheers
6. Arrested Development
7. Two and A Half Men
8. Modern Family
9. How I Met Your Mother
10. Bored to Death
11. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

 The point I'm trying to make is that it seems a little odd to single out this one show, after only 2 episodes, and call it racist when the VAST majority of popular television has the same amount of non-white representation...

Frankly, I can't get the idea out of my head that a bunch of guys in their mid 30s are looking at a 24 year old girl who does not fit the ideal of mainstream beauty, and are jealous as fuck that she has more talent in one chubby little finger than they have in their whole (debatably pudgy) bodies.

She's fat. And racist. Where's my Code Red Mountain Dew?

Lena Dunham, I think you're the bee's knees.

No resume required.

Now...give me a job.