Monday, 4 June 2012

I Got Better...?


We all get them. We say something unbelievably stupid, reflect, then feel like complete idiots.

Total. Genius.
I think Louis CK makes a very good example here:

So...this morning, I had one of those moments...

I have had glasses since the age of 7. My eyes are bad. Really bad. Bad enough that it's illegal for me to drive without corrective lenses. Bad enough that I won't recognize people until they are under 6" from my face without my glasses on.

I woke up this morning and I could see...clearly.

so. many. things. in . focus.
I lay in bed for a full minute or two, blinking, rubbing my eyes, and full-on thinking... "My eyes got better...I can see!"

A joy welled up in me that I have never felt before. I assume it is what people feel when they hold a newborn baby. Or maybe when you reach nirvana or something.


Then I noticed that my eyes were very itchy.


Then I touched my cornea, and wiggled the contact lens that had been sitting in my eye for upwards of 24hrs. My eyes had not miraculously fixed themselves. My brain had become momentarily retarded.

Ladies and gents, may I present...THE DOG PHONE! IN FULL 20/20 VISION!!!!

I flew too close to the sun dream of 20/20 vision, and my overtired wax wings eyes paid the price.

the burning...!

No comments:

Post a Comment