Rob Ford Says He Has Cancer, or, Why You (still) Shouldn't Vote for Ford(s)

Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto, says he has a tumour...

Doug Ford, his older brother, made the announcement yesterday. I know the natural instinct when someone tells you such unexpected, terrifying news is sympathy. But, fellow Torontonians, do not be fooled...

Will you run for Rob? "No comment..."<-- *Mr. Burns finger tap*

While the other mayoral candidates have expressed their sympathies, the question that many Torontonians find themselves asking is not, "Is it cancer?" or, "Will Rob drop out of the mayoral race?"...but:

..."Is it REAL?"...

This is where 4 years of Rob Ford as mayor has left the citizens of Toronto...Scratching our heads and looking for the political angle on a cancer scare...

Ontarians are not new to the concept of people faking cancer for personal gain, having witnessed a fairly brazen fake-cancer-con in 2008/2009, perpetrated by Ashley Kirilow. In which she shaved her head, plucked her eyebrows and eyelashes, starved herself, and scammed donors out of over $5000...nice gal.

Before and during her shameless, disgusting fake-cancer con.

The announcement of Rob Ford's tumour came via his brother Doug Ford, and was later confirmed by the CEO of Humber River Hospital. They both claim stated that Rob Ford had been in in pain for 3 months, before the pain became "unbearable" early yesterday morning while eating breakfast at a diner with Doug.

"Doug, I think I have to go to the doctor..."

Apparently a CT scan revealed a tumour in the lower left abdomen, but a biopsy is required to confirm if it is a chicken drumstick malignant.

Now, I don't want to make light of a (potentially) serious situation, or laugh at anyone's misfortune, however, I am not the only skeptic here. Within minutes of tumour-gate's announcement, the internet was flooded with questions about the veracity of Rob Ford's health, and theories involving political gain...

...Given how many bald-face lies Rob Ford has told, and his complete lack of shame, combined with his recent slip in polls, none of these theories is inconceivable.

Rob Ford and his family have long considered themselves a political dynasty, based on the shaky foundation of a patriarch who was a 1-term backbencher in the Ontario Harris government. Even in the face of becoming an international joke, the Fords have, surprisingly, not wavered in seeing Rob as an unbeatable, universally-supported wunderkind mayor... but a poll released just yesterday shows how delusional they really are:

The poll showed Rob Ford falling far behind John Tory, a man whose political career highlight(s) include losing the Toronto mayoral election to David Miller in 2003, and then being elected MPP for Dufferin-Peel-Wellington-Grey in 2005...which he subsequently lost in 2007.

The tl;dr being, Rob is very likely going to face a humiliating loss to a man who has had almost zero political success, and was widely considered a lame-horse of a candidate in both the municipal and provincial levels...

*insert awkward collar-pull noise*

For a family who seem to have no shame, ethics, or dignity, would faking a cancer scare be less shameful than admitting they were wrong...?

Let's look at what possible gain(s) could be made by such actions...


1. Doug Ford is currently not running, but the last date for candidates to enter the mayoral race is this Friday, a mere 2 days after the tumour announcement...

• Rob Ford dropping out due to "health concerns" would allow Doug to enter in his place and ride a wave of sympathy votes.

• Rob would remain "undefeated" and able to run for mayor in 4 years.

2. Michael Stirpe Ford*, a nephew of Rob and Doug is currently running for Rob/Doug's old council seat. He has almost no competition in the ward, aside from Andray Domise.

• Rob Ford dropping out due to "health concerns" now would allow Michael to leave his seat in a year or two and have Rob run for his old seat, riding a wave of sympathy votes.

• Rob would remain "undefeated" and able to run for mayor in 4 years.

Do you see a pattern developing?

*an interesting footnote is that Michael Ford was Michael Stirpe until February of 2014, when he legally changed his name a few months before entering the election. His father, Ennio Stirpe, and previous partner of Kathy Ford, murdered his step-sister's father, and was more recently convicted in 2011 of blinding a girlfriend.

I am not saying that any of these theories are true. I am not saying that Rob Ford, Doug Ford, or any other family member of the self-proclaimed "political dynasty" would sink so low as to fake cancer to save face in a municipal election...

What I AM saying, is that the worst thing about this whole situation is that after 4 years of outrageous behaviour, lies, scandal, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and potential  involvement in a series of criminal incidents (including murder, missing persons, and beatings)...no one is doubting that Rob Ford could sink so low.

...and if that isn't the best reason I have ever heard to not vote for someone, I don't know what is.