But...all through dinner I was so hot...like sweating, fanning myself, etc. Since it's unlikely to be menopause at 27 years old...I assumed I had eaten too much turkey, and would simply mask my shame in pumpkin pie...and whipped cream.
My parents decided that 9:50pm was a good time to go to bed (old age is scary folks...), so Mitch and I decided to go for a long walk down the empty/scary/dark/freezing gravel roads.
|Witness...STARS! Things you can see due to the darkness of the cottage.|
As we're walking, I notice that my legs feel very light. Quite noticeably lighter than normal...I think "maybe all those barbell squats are paying off?" and wobble down the gravel road.
(It may not look like much but don't let my top notch 3D rendering skills confuse you. That is what happened directly under my foot...)
Suddenly the ground fluoresced! Thousands of bright points of light exploded directly in front of my foot hovering in mid step!
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!" Screamed my brain. "THE GROUND IS COVERED IN FIREFLIES!"
I screamed and grabbed Mitch's arm, trying to pull him away from the bugs.Unable to break my stride in time, my foot crashed down onto millions of fireflies...they did not move or fly away.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!" Screamed my brain. "DON'T WORRY, THE GROUND JUST BECAME GLASS, SO YOU CAN SEE THE STARS THROUGH IT."
Slowly the car that was driving behind has pulled past, it's headlights continued to light up the gravel road in front of it as it drove away. Mitch turned to me, and asked with deep empathy:
"What the fuck?!! Are you high or something?!"
Now, for those not in-the-know, I have NEVER been high. I am extremely boring, and have never even smoked a cigarette. Tragic, I know.
"Of course not!" I reply.
We head back, I go to bed, and try to sleep. But I'm woken up about a dozen times, tossing and turning, my head spinning, hundreds of nonsensical images flashing through my head...
In the morning, Mitch is concerned and goes over everything I ate, looking for anything that might have caused this.
"Hmmm, ham & cheese bun?"
"Nope...we shared that."
"Well, the turkey dinner?"
"...I highly doubt it...and we shared it."
We sit, tapping our temples, and stroking our beards.
"Well..." I say "...there was that mushroom I found..."
My mother called me over to see a "weird mushroom" she had found. Naturally I picked it up, poked it, prodded it, and decided it looked like it was part of the Aminita family.
Turns out, I was handling an Aminita Muscaria, and then ate with my fingers. And yes, that was probably what did it.
I am an idiot who thought the road turned into fireflies.